This is a private blog thing for myself. No one I actually know has the link for here.
5.17.2004
Yaddy yadda, it's not necessary to post the rest. She just said she doesn't want to be monogamous to me, so whatever. I've been fucked over again. Story of my life. I wish I never fell in love. I tried more with this relationship. This would be why I dislike being optimistic. It always leads to getting my hopes up for nothing. Then I get trampled, like I usually do. She has her pattern of infedelity, I have my pattern of getting fucked over. Want to fuck someone over? Come date me!
[deanna] [i'm a frosted lemon coward] [everything in my body says no] says:
um, i guess i should start with telling you that i wasnt exactly honest with you... um, I've cheated on everyone I've been with, except Martina.. and you. I'm not a faithful person... I just can't seem to be. I dunno what it is... but I decided that you shouldnt be put through that... but I'm positive it will happen... because it always does.
[deanna] [i'm a frosted lemon coward] [everything in my body says no] says:
feel free to hate me for lying. it's just that every time i start a new relationship, i think i can do it... but i can't.
[deanna] [i'm a frosted lemon coward] [everything in my body says no] says:
i can't seem to bring myself to be monogomous. not just yet anyway.
[deanna] [i'm a frosted lemon coward] [everything in my body says no] says:
I wanna be young. I wanna be a teenager. I wanna go out, get drunk and do whatever without worrying what will happen.
[deanna] [i'm a frosted lemon coward] [everything in my body says no] says:
worrying about who I'm hurting.
.INViSiBLE KiÐ. / Stratotiatus / The Chauffer - you're the other half of the sky, creature comfort me tonight says:
why would you not be honest with me?
[deanna] [i'm a frosted lemon coward] [everything in my body says no] says:
because i wanted to be with you and i thought i could so it.
[deanna] [i'm a frosted lemon coward] [everything in my body says no] says:
*do it
.INViSiBLE KiÐ. / Stratotiatus / The Chauffer - you're the other half of the sky, creature comfort me tonight says:
what makes you think you can't?
[deanna] [i'm a frosted lemon coward] [everything in my body says no] says:
because i know i can't.
.INViSiBLE KiÐ. / Stratotiatus / The Chauffer - you're the other half of the sky, creature comfort me tonight says:
how do you knnow?
[deanna] [i'm a frosted lemon coward] [everything in my body says no] says:
because I do. I know who I am... I know I can't do it.
[deanna] [i'm a frosted lemon coward] [everything in my body says no] says:
Maybe I don't want to do it.
.INViSiBLE KiÐ. / Stratotiatus / The Chauffer - i wish i could love the sun again says:
why?
[deanna] [i'm a frosted lemon coward] [everything in my body says no] says:
because i want to be young. i want to have fun. i dont want to be tied down. i thought i could.... i even told john that i was gonna be good this time. even he didn't think I could do it.
.INViSiBLE KiÐ. / Stratotiatus / The Chauffer - i wish i could love the sun again says:
so there's someone else?
[deanna] [i'm a frosted lemon coward] [everything in my body says no] says:
who knows. but if there is, i wanna be able to go with it.
[deanna] [i'm a frosted lemon coward] [everything in my body says no] says:
i wanna be able to do what i WANT. not what someone else wants or expects me to do.
.INViSiBLE KiÐ. / Stratotiatus / The Chauffer - creature comfort, delicate, wish i could lose the day we met says:
fuck...
[deanna] [i'm a frosted lemon coward] [everything in my body says no] says:
what?
.INViSiBLE KiÐ. / Stratotiatus / The Chauffer - creature comfort, delicate, wish i could lose the day we met says:
it should be blatently obvious
[deanna] [i'm a frosted lemon coward] [everything in my body says no] says:
well, fuck doesnt tell me anything.
.INViSiBLE KiÐ. / Stratotiatus / The Chauffer - creature comfort, delicate, wish i could lose the day we met says:
what do you wanna know
[deanna] [i'm a frosted lemon coward] [everything in my body says no] says:
i dont know. more than "fuck"
.INViSiBLE KiÐ. / Stratotiatus / The Chauffer - creature comfort, delicate, wish i could lose the day we met says:
well, i feel crappy
[deanna] [i'm a frosted lemon coward] [everything in my body says no] says:
I'm a fuck up, okay? All I do, is fuck up. I shouldnt have started a relationship with you. I thought I could do it.. thought I could live with being monogomous... but I can't. I just... can't.
[deanna] [i'm a frosted lemon coward] [everything in my body says no] says:
not right now.
.INViSiBLE KiÐ. / Stratotiatus / The Chauffer - creature comfort, delicate, wish i could lose the day we met says:
what makes you think you can't? what EXACTLY makes you think that?
[deanna] [i'm a frosted lemon coward] [everything in my body says no] says:
because i don't want to.
[deanna] [i'm a frosted lemon coward] [everything in my body says no] says:
i want to be able to do what i want.
[deanna] [i'm a frosted lemon coward] [everything in my body says no] says:
i want to find myself.
[deanna] [i'm a frosted lemon coward] [everything in my body says no] says:
i dont want to be tied down.
.INViSiBLE KiÐ. / Stratotiatus / The Chauffer - creature comfort, delicate, wish i could lose the day we met says:
.......
[deanna] [i'm a frosted lemon coward] [everything in my body says no] says:
what?
[deanna] [i'm a frosted lemon coward] [everything in my body says no] says:
"......" doesnt say anything.
.INViSiBLE KiÐ. / Stratotiatus / The Chauffer - creature comfort, delicate, wish i could lose the day we met says:
i know, i can't seem to form words
[deanna] [i'm a frosted lemon coward] [everything in my body says no] says:
um ok...
[deanna] [i'm a frosted lemon coward] [everything in my body says no] says:
im pouring my heart out and all you can say is "......"?
.INViSiBLE KiÐ. / Stratotiatus / The Chauffer - creature comfort, delicate, wish i could lose the day we met says:
you know what my heart says, i think.
[deanna] [i'm a frosted lemon coward] [everything in my body says no] says:
I can't do it.
.INViSiBLE KiÐ. / Stratotiatus / The Chauffer - creature comfort, delicate, wish i could lose the day we met says:
so i'm fucked then
[deanna] [i'm a frosted lemon coward] [everything in my body says no] says:
why are you fucked?
[deanna] [i'm a frosted lemon coward] [everything in my body says no] says:
im getting out before i hurt you.
.INViSiBLE KiÐ. / Stratotiatus / The Chauffer - creature comfort, delicate, wish i could lose the day we met says:
well i'm already hurt, but that was expected
[deanna] [i'm a frosted lemon coward] [everything in my body says no] says:
*sigh*
.INViSiBLE KiÐ. / Stratotiatus / The Chauffer - creature comfort, delicate, wish i could lose the day we met says:
remind me never to be optimistic again
[deanna] [i'm a frosted lemon coward] [everything in my body says no] says:
don't not be optimistic because of my stupidity
.INViSiBLE KiÐ. / Stratotiatus / The Chauffer - creature comfort, delicate, wish i could lose the day we met says:
i tried to be optimistic this time, and this is why i try not to be usually
[deanna] [i'm a frosted lemon coward] [everything in my body says no] says:
but not everyone is stupid like me.
.INViSiBLE KiÐ. / Stratotiatus / The Chauffer - i'm crazy for trying, i'm crazy for crying, and i'm crazy for loving you says:
but i don't fucking love everyone like you
[deanna] [i'm a frosted lemon coward] [everything in my body says no] says:
I can't do it
.INViSiBLE KiÐ. / Stratotiatus / The Chauffer - i'm crazy for trying, i'm crazy for crying, and i'm crazy for loving you says:
you assume...
[deanna] [i'm a frosted lemon coward] [everything in my body says no] says:
i KNOW. fuck. why cant you except that.
.INViSiBLE KiÐ. / Stratotiatus / The Chauffer - creature comfort, delicate, wish i could lose the day we met says:
i feel like i'm going to be sick...
....and it just resumes going downhill from there
She seems to be avoiding me. This is the only day I can recall she hasn't been online. It saddens me. I emailed her lastnight, something about my feelings, and she hasn't replied, so she must be making an effort to not come online. This non-contact just kills me. I hate not talking to the one I love. It happened with Sheri and that was one of our downfalls. I really don't like this. I hate this whole thing. Why is it difficult? Is it worth fighting for? Something worth fighting for will be difficult, but as will something that is done completly in vain. I wonder which one this is...I'm trying to fight. But I need to see her, sometime when no one else is around, because I know I'd cry. I'd probably full out break down. I don't want to give up, but if she's going to, then I may as well...because there's always got to be two sides to a relationship. God it hurts...I wish there was a surefire way of expressing myself, a way that she will for sure understand. She's worried about me hurting her big time. That's something that she shouldn't even worry about. But, I said one of my stupid things in an attempt to entice her (seeing if she would break up with me) and she didn't, but I didn't know it would worry her. I said "I think I should take my heart back". I honestly don't want to. She doesn't have to worry about me hurting her. I would never cheat, I wouldn't lie (and I didn't consider "I think I should take my heart back" to be a lie, but seems it is), and I wouldn't leave her unless things were really shitty, and we were constantly mad at each other and didn't talk like it was with Sheri. We are going through bad times now, but I will not give up on her that easy. I know it's my nature to, but I will not this time. We love each other tons, it seems, and I will not just give up. That will only happen when she says "I don't love you anymore; fuck off" or something like that. I will not give up, I will grin and bear the pain. If she leaves, a piece of my soul leaves too. I want to keep her...
5.14.2004
Well, now that I'm done freaking out, I'm getting my clear-headedness back. I talked to Deanna more, and I'm finally seeing the root of her fears. I also see why specifically she seems to be scared with me (only one reason, really, other than that, I'm an equal). Obviously, she's scared because she doesn't want to get hurt. But I've found the root of that too, even though I'm sure I don't know nearly all of it, I have a much better idea now.
On that note, it's frustrating. I'm the most honest person you could ever know in a relationship, and I'd be the last person to cheat on someone, or lie to them about my feelings. See, earlier in the convo, I was freaking out and being an emotional freak. But then I listened, like really listened, and I got it. But when I was being emo-freak, I said "I should take my heart back". Obviously, I didn't mean it, because I love her very very very much. I was just trying to tempt her and seeing if she really did want to break up with me, and that would have gotten rid of the whole guilt thing for her (well, somewhat), so she would have done it if she wanted to. But she didn't. Except, now she thinks that's what I really wanted to do, but it's the last thing I wanted to do. She can't seem to beleive me because she's paranoid. I understand, but at the same time I know it's the last thing I wanted to do. I guess I can't get it through in words....I don't know, we'll see...but I know I love her and want to keep her, and I'll try and try more. My love is very strong.
5.13.2004
Why the fuck do I bother? Why do I do it even though I know I'm going to get my heart butchered mercilessly? I'm so stupid. And weak. Weak as hell. I'm all bent over this, when she's probably not even giving it a passing thought. Fucking typical of me. I hate moods. I hate schizoaffective disorder. I hate this feeling. I'm going to be hurt, and already have been. All I'm saying to myself are cursed four letter words. I can't think of anything intelligable to say. Fuck this
4.15.2004
4.13.2004
| Enneagram Test Results
|
personality tests by similarminds.com
Conscious self | Overall self |
 |  |
4.12.2004
I took some cool personality tests at this site I found. The word association one is especially cool I think. Here's stuff about me:
| Advanced Big 30 Personality Test Results
|
personality tests by similarminds.com
| INTP - "Architect". Greatest precision in thought and language. Can readily discern contradictions and inconsistencies. The world exists primarily to be understood. 3.3% of total population. |
personality tests by similarminds.com
Conscious self | Overall self |
|  |
personality tests by similarminds.com
| Personality Disorder Test Results
|
| I have issues with... |
| patience domination intelligence age walls |
| Global Personality Test Results |
| Sensate (23%) low which suggests you are very unaware, aloof, and disconnected from your environment and physical self. Intellectual (83%) high which suggests you tend to be very internally motivated, self seeking, and independent. Assertive (30%) low which suggests you are very timid, indirect, and unable to start and/or follow through on things. |
personality tests by similarminds.com
| Eysenck's Test Results |
| Extraversion (18%) low which suggests you are very quiet, unassertive, and aloof. Neuroticism (75%) high which suggests you are very worrying, insecure, emotional, and nervous. Psychoticism (40%) moderately low which suggests you are good natured, trusting, and helpful but possibly too much of a follower. |
personality tests by similarminds.com
| SimilarMinds.com Compatibility Test |
Your match with Deanna you are 95% similar you are 76% complementary |
3.18.2004
Things are going great with Deanna. I'm extremely happy with her. She's wonderful, great and awesome. I love her muchly :-D Just everything about her. I get to see her tomorrow. I've seen her a couple times now without being able to have sex with her. But tomorrow, yay! And we're getting pierced on Saturday. She's gonna pay for me to get my lip done. It's weird, she likes paying for stuff for me. I wonder why. I'm not used to it, so I'm still hesitant to let her, because she's the last person I'd use for money. I always feel like I'm using someone when I let them pay for things for me. Except family members. But if she likes doin it, then okay. I won't be surprised or anything if she randomly tells me she can't pay for things anymore, lol, because cigarette money adds up. I think you shouldn't have financial arguements with your significant other, unless you live together.
Of course Sheri's still being a stupid bitch about things. She won't talk to me, well, at least not coherently. Being friends with her seems to be too much to ask. Using her is what I'm realistically looking for though, lol. Using her because I'm sadistic. But oh well, it's not essential, she doesn't have any hold on me anymore. I don't care if she's online and I'm not talking to her. She can go to hell.
I want beer dammit. I didn't even drink yesterday, on St. Paddy's Day! What is this world coming to? No beer on St. Paddy's? It's strange I used to hate beer, but now I like it. It's fun. I've acquired a taste for it. Molson Canadian is the best. Alexander Keith and President's Choice sucks. I think I've had other brands, but I don't recall. So, they weren't too bad. I'm at my mom's, so maybe I can sneak a couple...I dunno though, my mom has told me a couple times to ask before taking alcohol. I should have asked before she went to bed. Fucker. I'll ask her in the morning lol.
I have Nightwish in my head, The Wishmaster. It's a good song indeed. I should listen to more Nightwish. I seem to like a lot of Scandanavian metal. Sentenced, In Flames, Hammerfall, Zeromancer. I bet Nightwish is Scandanavian. I'm asking Neddy now...she says she knows they're European, but she's asking Matt or Lisa where specifically. Aaaaaaaaaaaaand they're Finnish! So I'm right, lol. I'm good, lol. Scandanavian metal rocks.
Master!
Apprentice!
Heartborne, 7th Seeker
Warrior!
Disciple!
In me the Wishmaster
Elbereth
Lorien
A dreamy-eyed child staring into night
On a journey to storyteller`s mind
Whispers a wish speaks with the stars the words are silent in him
Distant sigh from a lonely heart
"I`ll be with you soon, my Shalafi"
Grey Havens my destiny
Master!...
Silvara
Starbreeze
Sla-Mori the one known only by Him
To august realms, the sorcery within
If you hear the call of arcane lore,
Your world shall rest on Earth no more
A maiden elf calling with her cunning song
"Meet me at the Inn of Last Home"
Heartborne will find the way!
Master!...
Wishmaster
Crusade for Your will
A child, dreamfinder
The Apprentice becoming...
Master!...
3.09.2004
Just in general, when someone you love is apparently saying they feel neglected and such, doesn't something click in your head and say "oh I have to be proactive here"? Apparently not. If you can't take that, then maybe you should end the relationship because you're not in a state to deal with it. Do it yourself so you can't seemingly scapegoat someone else for your crap. Because no matter what was going on, I didn't like it and I wanted out. It's not my goddamn fault that she didn't fuckin pick up on my extremely blunt words and didn't do a damn thing about it, or heaven forbid, tell me what the fuck was going on! If I'm going to be neglected and pretty much ignored, it's good to know why. Make sense?
God she just has been pissing me off to no end. I should just say some words and make her off herself. I don't love her anymore, so it wouldn't hurt me if she died except for the fact that I can't toy with her anymore. But I want to toy. I want to hear about how I pain her so still. It's ego boosting. I wish I could just blow my mouth off at her, but then she takes the pussy way out and goes offline. I wish I could tell her every goddamn mistake she ever made with me. Maybe then she'd fucking understand why the hell I dumped her ass. She always says she's depressed and this and that and blah blah blah, I really don't give a shit, I just want to harass her about me breaking up with her. Why do toys have to be so complicated sometimes?
3.02.2004
Lastnight, I don't think I felt emotion. Either that, or it was innappropriate emotion. While talking to Sheri, I laughed my ass off. And you'll note the context of the conversation below, it wasn't exactly one of merriment.
Tonight, I feel lonely. Empty. I guess it's one of my mood fluxuations. In terms of human interaction, my day hasn't been very good. Everyone either ignored me or gave me strange looks today, mainly at school, but at group, Catt was being distant and evasive. Catt is a great friend. I hope Deanna is right and she overcomes what is bugging her about the situation. I understand how much her situation must suck. Apparently, she wants both Deanna and me, and I've been in that situation before. Not fun.
I was just talking to Deanna, but she had to get off because her sister needs the computer for homework. I didn't even get to begin ranting about most of my day. Bah. Yes that was sarcasm, I know Deanna would love for me to dump on her, heh. I do so well at dumping on people. I'm selfish, and expect more from people than they should expect of me. I just somehow get the feeling that Deanna is in for a big surprise in that sense. I don't like it. I just think she'll get to know me more and decide that I'm just not what she's looking for. She deserves better than me. I don't know what I have that she wants. Being with her is too good to be true. I fell for her really fast and really hard. It was great because it was mutual. That being the reason why it's got to be fake. I wish people knew what they were getting into with me. I wait for a repeat of the whole Sheri thing; everything comes crashing down so suddenly and painfully.
I want the weekend, I want to see her again. The week has gone by way too slow.
I wish I could edit the essence of time; manipulate it to my pleasing, just like people's inferiorities are toyed with. I just wish I could mould my world into a prescision model of my ideal design for the world. A design intrinsic to what I make of it-- the ideal goal of my heart. Lost in my own world, my personal saga. Skimmed of all the crap that surrounds me, a warped and twisted sense of reality. Not conforming to my delusions, but my deepest desires. My imprisoned darkness, unleashed into my aura for all to feel. Everything. Except one element. One major element. One element which shall remain unscathed by my fierce and corrupting force; an element to remain completely intact, for the presence of this element allows me to fathom the world as it is in front of me, in reality, without such felt hostility, and brings me welcomed hope. My element-- Deanna.
*~Sheri~* says:
hi
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
hello
*~Sheri~* says:
so whats the bad news?
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
to put it quite bluntly, i have a new gf already
*~Sheri~* says:
wow you are obviously bent out of shape about our relationship....almost 2 years down the tube
*~Sheri~* says:
thanks thats way cool of you kate
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
well you're not too bent yourself
*~Sheri~* says:
like you would know
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
because, going back to the initial problem, you dont tell me how you feel
*~Sheri~* says:
well that shows a lot of how you feel
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
what does? why would i show you how i feel?
*~Sheri~* says:
cuz you are my gf...or you were at least
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
yea but i tend to regress and deal when things aren't mutual
*~Sheri~* says:
whats not mutual? oh yeah thats right you dont want to be my gf
*~Sheri~* says:
who is ur gf now?
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
you dont know her.....i broke up with you because you were being a hardass. you appearingly didnt care, even when i brought it up several times.
*~Sheri~* says:
i DID care and i told you that i did when you asked
*~Sheri~* says:
ok sorry i was busy...i still tried to get online and talk to you when i could
*~Sheri~* says:
and after a 16 month relationship you usually dont just get a new gf right away
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
once a week. and you didnt seem to disagree when i broke up with you
*~Sheri~* says:
i did and i didnt think we were done talking about it then but i guess so
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
i said "then its over"
*~Sheri~* says:
i wrote you emails when i could too i at least made an effort
*~Sheri~* says:
but fuck it man
*~Sheri~* says:
im sorry i gave you 16 months of my time
*~Sheri~* says:
im sorry i came to visit you and im sorry i bought you things and im sorry i kissed you and made love to you and im sorry about everything
*~Sheri~* says:
obviously it shouldnt have ever been
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
i cant say i didnt try.
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
i cant say it didnt mean anything
*~Sheri~* says:
i tried too...i needed time to get things figured out and situated...its not like i was busy doing nothing....hell no. i was working and going to school and trying to get things all situated so i could live on my own
*~Sheri~* says:
so it took a month and a half my god
*~Sheri~* says:
like you couldnt go through that with me....
*~Sheri~* says:
obviously not what was i thinking?
*~Sheri~* says:
damn me
*~Sheri~* says:
i should have known that you couldnt go through one of my hard times
*~Sheri~* says:
fuck me
*~Sheri~* says:
if you were here you would have known that not only was i going to school, working, getting shit figured out but also that i was depressed as all hell and u wanting to break up didnt help
*~Sheri~* says:
i started cutting again and i almost went to the hospital again cuz my aunt didnt know what to do with me
*~Sheri~* says:
but you werent here and u didnt make an effort to call or write nonetheless
*~Sheri~* says:
so its not all my fault
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
i had no inclination that you gave a shit
*~Sheri~* says:
well you didnt give a shit either cuz if u did you might make a little bit more of an effort than just settling with "oh she must not care"
*~Sheri~* says:
fuck that
*~Sheri~* says:
you are MY love....mine
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
i brought it up many times.
*~Sheri~* says:
i didnt go through a bunch of heartache and shit for you to be with someone else
*~Sheri~* says:
you're mine kate...mine and im your snugglebuns....thats how it has been and should be
*~Sheri~* says:
whatever kate...you do what you gotta do
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
so you're saying that because we're not together this has been a waste of time?
*~Sheri~* says:
ill always love you even if you dont think i care
*~Sheri~* says:
no it hasnt been a waste of time
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
good. i've learned so much from you. you'll always be in my heart
*~Sheri~* says:
but if i was so important then how the hell do you go from me to whoever in like a week
*~Sheri~* says:
i dont even wanna know
*~Sheri~* says:
i think its bullshit
*~Sheri~* says:
im going
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
always leaving....
*~Sheri~* says:
like it matters this time kate
*~Sheri~* says:
like it will ever matter ever again
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
yea yea, its the principle that counts.
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
together or not, you're the same
*~Sheri~* says:
why do i wanna be here if im just gonna feel pain? tell me that
*~Sheri~* says:
so you can tell me how wonderful it is now that you have a new gf that you dont have to work at to be happy? im sorry but i thought going through hard times was always worth it with you....but i guess its not always worth it for you
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
i couldnt take it anymore. i was sick of worrying about why the fuck we never talked. never talking to me, one word responses, not showing any caring. i just fell out of love. i cant love someone who doesnt appear to love me back. i just cant.
*~Sheri~* says:
yeah i understand that but its not like the last 2 months have been perfect for me
*~Sheri~* says:
nothing near perfect
*~Sheri~* says:
and now this to top it all off
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
mine havent either.
*~Sheri~* says:
good for you sheri. what a wonderful building you've constructed for yourself....
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
constant worry. why? just so you could talk for 5 mins a week to me
*~Sheri~* says:
yeah well its great now isnt it?
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
it was bound to happen. i wish you saw it coming
*~Sheri~* says:
fuck that
*~Sheri~* says:
when you feel bad or depressed i was ALWAYS there even when you didnt wanna talk
*~Sheri~* says:
but when it happens to me...you leave!
*~Sheri~* says:
you talk about me leaving....FUCK THAT
*~Sheri~* says:
you left...and you left for good
*~Sheri~* says:
at least i always came back
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
i had no inclination you were depressed. you told me nothing.
*~Sheri~* says:
im sorry and i told you that everytime i talked to you....but you could have made a little bit of an effort ya know...maybe call? or maybe write a letter or email even?
*~Sheri~* says:
i mean....geeze....just cuz i didnt wanna be on the internet all the time didnt mean i didnt wanna talk to you
*~Sheri~* says:
ive tried to talk to you for the last week but every single time ive been on...you havent been
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
yea when i ask people "has sheri been on" the response is "of course not"
*~Sheri~* says:
who? plankton?
*~Sheri~* says:
i get on yahoo on invisible to see if you are on
*~Sheri~* says:
and then ill get on msn quick to see if you are on and if you arent...i hop off
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
yea when is this? you know my hours and i know yours
*~Sheri~* says:
well then it must be when you're sleeping
*~Sheri~* says:
or busy with ur new gf
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
yea, geez, a year and 5 months and you dont know my hours
*~Sheri~* says:
i do know them
*~Sheri~* says:
but i get on when i think you are going to be on...cuz u usually are...but it just happens that you arent
*~Sheri~* says:
no i dont get online a lot
*~Sheri~* says:
but when i do i usually expect you to be there
*~Sheri~* says:
but like it matters
*~Sheri~* says:
what do i matter anymore?
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
i've learned to not expect you to be there
*~Sheri~* says:
you've always expected the worse anyway
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
and i usually never fail to be right
*~Sheri~* says:
ok whatever you're right sorry im just a shitty person
*~Sheri~* says:
have an awesome life with the new one
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
i love how you've just turned the knife around, and suddenly i dont care. i've been worrying about this for like 2 months now.
*~Sheri~* says:
i know you cared
*~Sheri~* says:
but now that you have a new gf, you dont im sure
*~Sheri~* says:
cuz you dont have to
*~Sheri~* says:
hey lets just dump the old one cuz the new one is more convenient
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
*~Sheri~* says:
i dont have to worry so much about her as i do the old one....
*~Sheri~* says:
man, you're supposed to worry about ppl who care about you....
*~Sheri~* says:
and ppl you care about
*~Sheri~* says:
you're supposed to
*~Sheri~* says:
i tried to show you that yeah i was depressed but i still cared...i know for a fact that i sent you emails and e-cards.....but i could only do so much
*~Sheri~* says:
i mean i was the most depressed i had ever felt in my life
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
and of course i didnt know that because nothing is shared with me
*~Sheri~* says:
well, you just would have worried more
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
yea. i would feel for you. but of course omitting this fact until now is quite convenient for you
*~Sheri~* says:
well not really
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
yes because you can lay this guilt trip on me.
*~Sheri~* says:
no im not trying to lay a guilt trip on you
*~Sheri~* says:
no matter what you think
*~Sheri~* says:
im pissed at myself
*~Sheri~* says:
not you
*~Sheri~* says:
me
*~Sheri~* says:
and im just telling you what was up
*~Sheri~* says:
cuz well i was starting to feel better until about an hour ago
*~Sheri~* says:
now i feel like hell again
*~Sheri~* says:
but hey, you got what you want now so i have to find something else to do with my life
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
i wish i knew you gave a crap
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
that would have helped
*~Sheri~* says:
well my that was my bad on my part
*~Sheri~* says:
i fucked up....once again
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
no. we weren't meant to be.
*~Sheri~* says:
bullshit
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
you think we were meant to be?
*~Sheri~* says:
i like to think that
*~Sheri~* says:
but if you dont think it...then there is nothing to be had
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
i used to think it. i used to live that beleif.
*~Sheri~* says:
yeah, and now you found a gf who you dont have to worry about
*~Sheri~* says:
good for you kate
*~Sheri~* says:
a stress off your back
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
i dont have to worry about eh? good to know you know exactly whats going on
*~Sheri~* says:
well, why would you worry about me now? tell me that
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
i dont recall saying "sheri, i want to shun you forever and ever"
*~Sheri~* says:
no you just dont want me in ur life basically
*~Sheri~* says:
cuz you and i both know friends wont work
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
we do eh? good to know you're miss cleo
*~Sheri~* says:
well i know it wont work
*~Sheri~* says:
maybe you think it will
*~Sheri~* says:
but i dont
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
alright. well if you're sure then
*~Sheri~* says:
i dont WANT to be ur friend
*~Sheri~* says:
i want to be ur girlfriend, ur lover, ur wife, ur everything...thats what i want
*~Sheri~* says:
but it doesnt matter what i want
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
well i always thought you were losing interest in me
*~Sheri~* says:
well you thought wrong
*~Sheri~* says:
definately
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
i wish i knew that
*~Sheri~* says:
well fuck me cuz it doesnt matter now
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
i dont know why you didnt tell me all this WHEN i broke up with you
*~Sheri~* says:
cuz i didnt think we were DONE talking about it
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
it only matters because im with someone else
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
i emphasized the fact that it was over.
*~Sheri~* says:
not really
*~Sheri~* says:
we talk about how you thought we should....i guess i didnt really think that you meant hey we are broken up
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
i remember saying "its over". i distinctly remember
*~Sheri~* says:
fine
*~Sheri~* says:
im not gonna argue about if you said it or not cuz i dont remember
*~Sheri~* says:
i guess i didnt think we were done talking about it
*~Sheri~* says:
but once again...i fucked up
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
how'd you fuck up?
*~Sheri~* says:
cuz i didnt tell you anything when we talked last or before that ....so i guess i fucked up
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
meh we both did
*~Sheri~* says:
no, you got what you wanted
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
what did i want?
*~Sheri~* says:
not me obviously
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
i wanted to stop worrying. i wanted my doubts and feelings to stop.
*~Sheri~* says:
so you dont feel with ur new gf?
*~Sheri~* says:
well exactly, you got what you wanted
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
i meant my feelings that go with the doubts
*~Sheri~* says:
so you got what you wanted, did you not?
*~Sheri~* says:
i just dont understand how you can go from me to someone else so quickly
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
well i feel out of love with you before i broke up with you.
*~Sheri~* says:
still
*~Sheri~* says:
its kind of a respect thing but i guess that doesnt count for me
*~Sheri~* says:
its kind of like hey i care enough about how you feel to take time before i go and date someone else
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
i was pretty sure you wouldnt care
*~Sheri~* says:
well, you were wrong
*~Sheri~* says:
like i'd just say "hey yeah its cool"
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
well, again, you didnt appear to care much when i broke up with you.
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
but yea
*~Sheri~* says:
whatever kate just go live wonderfully
*~Sheri~* says:
hope its great
*~Sheri~* says:
you cant even tell me her name
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
im afraid to because you seem to want to kill anyone who i like
*~Sheri~* says:
well, its not my job to care anymore
*~Sheri~* says:
it really doesnt matter what i think or want so whatever
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
but you do remember the times when that was mattered pretty much the most to me?
*~Sheri~* says:
who cares now right?
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
well, i do, considering that was 1 year and 5 months of my existance
*~Sheri~* says:
what do you expect me to do now? just be happy that you're with someone else?
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
idont know. ive stopped expecting
*~Sheri~* says:
good to know
*~Sheri~* says:
imma go now cuz this conversation is making me wanna puke since ill never get my girlfriend back
*~Sheri~* says:
yes im leaving
*~Sheri~* says:
and it shouldnt matter to you
*~Sheri~* says:
cuz i dont matter to you anymore
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
go ahead and assume that
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
cuz i know you'll just assume
*~Sheri~* says:
what am i supposed to assumke kate?
*~Sheri~* says:
you dont tell me any different
*~Sheri~* says:
and your actions dont tell me any different
*~Sheri~* says:
tell me what the fuck im supposed to think?
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
how the fuck should i know? because we never agree on anything.
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
never did
*~Sheri~* says:
thats bullshit
*~Sheri~* says:
yeah so what? we had bad times...so what? we had a hell of a lot more good times than bad
*~Sheri~* says:
we agreed on more shit than we disagreed on....i know htat
*~Sheri~* says:
that*
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
its insane what we fought about.
*~Sheri~* says:
why do you always think of the bad stuff??????
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
because im a pessimist
*~Sheri~* says:
so am i but i know we had a lot of good times....enough to make you wanna marry me
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
that is true
*~Sheri~* says:
all down the shitter cuz i barely talked to you for a couple months.....b/c you found some other girl who conveniently talked to you when i wasnt around
*~Sheri~* says:
glad to know what matters most to you
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
a couple months. if you ask me thats a long time.
*~Sheri~* says:
all i am to you is a lesson learned
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
and there's no 'convenience' issue here
*~Sheri~* says:
yeah its a while but i least let you know i cared even if it wasnt much
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
i obviously didnt get the message
*~Sheri~* says:
well you dont love her
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
not yet...
*~Sheri~* says:
you're supposed to love me....
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
im suppost to?
*~Sheri~* says:
no, there is no rule or law
*~Sheri~* says:
but to me...you're supposed to love me....
*~Sheri~* says:
cuz no one else gives a shit
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
what makes you say that?
*~Sheri~* says:
cuz its fuckin true
*~Sheri~* says:
you're my girl
*~Sheri~* says:
other than paul...you were the only one i talked to in the last 2 months
*~Sheri~* says:
and i talked to him just about as much as i talked to you
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
well good to know
*~Sheri~* says:
other than that....i didnt talk to anyone unless i had to
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
fuckin bastard
*~Sheri~* says:
man thats how depressed i was....but the only fucking reason i stayed alive is gone now
*~Sheri~* says:
so like i said...what do you expect me to do now? well you dont expect anything...so its pointless
*~Sheri~* says:
yeah whatever
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
i was expecting friendship, but that wont happen
*~Sheri~* says:
HOW COULD IT?
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
i dunno, maybe you'd get over me
*~Sheri~* says:
hardly doubt that one
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
you make it sound like you'll never get over me
*~Sheri~* says:
you fall out of love with me cuz i dont talk to you very much for 2 months....im sorry but i dont lose interest that easily
*~Sheri~* says:
not when i love them
*~Sheri~* says:
man whatever
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
i tried all i could to get over you. it finally happened
*~Sheri~* says:
you wanted to get over me????
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
yes
*~Sheri~* says:
jafoijijjlkj
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
what?
*~Sheri~* says:
i stayed here and talked to you longer b/c you made me feel bad for leaving....but you did just what i said you would do...you made me feel more pain and thats why i wanted to leave
*~Sheri~* says:
im gonna go this time b/c im sick of hurting
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
evasion is always the key
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
right?
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
but okay
*~Sheri~* says:
what the hell did that mean?
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
nevermind.
*~Sheri~* says:
no tell me
*~Sheri~* says:
fuck the nevermind shit tell me
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
wow i love how you actually care when i say 'nvm' now that were NOT together
*~Sheri~* says:
wtf?
*~Sheri~* says:
i always wanted you to tell me before
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz- we r0x0rs HARD, Neddy!! bwahaa says:
uh huh...
*~Sheri~* says:
WHAT THE FUCK
*~Sheri~* says:
whatever kate im sick of this shit
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
im sick of this shit too.
*~Sheri~* says:
man if you wanted me to hurt
*~Sheri~* says:
you could have done it a different way
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
uh huh because that was my goal
*~Sheri~* says:
stop being sarcastic
*~Sheri~* says:
do you not care how i feel at all?
*~Sheri~* says:
b/c being sarcastic doesnt show that you do
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
what can i do?
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
nothing
*~Sheri~* says:
you choose to do nothing
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
its too late to fix 'us'
*~Sheri~* says:
why?
*~Sheri~* says:
its not like you havent let go of a girl before to be with me
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
thats not the point. remember i said after you cheated on me "if we broke up, its for good"?
*~Sheri~* says:
you didnt even know what was going on when you did it
*~Sheri~* says:
thats just a damn excuse
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
an excuse for what?
*~Sheri~* says:
to not be with me
*~Sheri~* says:
to not fix it
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
doesnt that tell you something then?
*~Sheri~* says:
to say to hell with you
*~Sheri~* says:
yeah, you dont want to....
*~Sheri~* says:
you dont care
*~Sheri~* says:
what a waste of time to even try
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
im sick of the same thing over and over
*~Sheri~* says:
how is it the same thing over and over?
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
we fight, we get mad at each other, i get paranoid, i get angry, we make up, repeat, over and over and over again
*~Sheri~* says:
thats how every relationship is
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
i'm done being made to feel like crap when i tell you something important to me and you just dont care
*~Sheri~* says:
i do care!
*~Sheri~* says:
god
*~Sheri~* says:
i care about everything that has to do with you
*~Sheri~* says:
and there is no relationship that is perfect
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
i know. it was going sour
*~Sheri~* says:
just so its clear...you are the one that gave up on us
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
uh huh. this whole convo makes you seem to surprised. you honestly didnt see it coming?
*~Sheri~* says:
i understood that you were feeling uncared about but i didnt think you'd break up with me and get a new girlfriend
*~Sheri~* says:
i seriously thought we'd fix it like we always do
*~Sheri~* says:
cuz we always got through our rough times
*~Sheri~* says:
but i guess i just hoped for something that you didnt want
*~Sheri~* says:
i thought you'd want to fix it and you'd want to be with me but i was wrong
*~Sheri~* says:
im so stupid
*~Sheri~* says:
im so stupid to think that you'd want that....to think that i mattered anymore
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
it was bound to happen with her
*~Sheri~* says:
im an idiot
*~Sheri~* says:
with her? why?
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
i wont get into that
*~Sheri~* says:
yes you will
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
no i wont
*~Sheri~* says:
yeah....tell me....why is she so much greater than i am?
*~Sheri~* says:
i mean.... if it was bound to happen with her then why ever be with me? why ever tell me that you love me or you wanna marry me and stuff like that?
*~Sheri~* says:
why not just be with her from the beginning???
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
circumstances didnt permit
*~Sheri~* says:
so you rather have been with her?
*~Sheri~* says:
so you just date me and play with my head
*~Sheri~* says:
great
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
nope
*~Sheri~* says:
why spend so much time with me if you really wanted her?
*~Sheri~* says:
wow i am an idiot
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
it was bound to be an issue in the past couple months.
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
not any other time i was with you
*~Sheri~* says:
yeah i bet
*~Sheri~* says:
why? she wasnt single then?
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
yep. but think what you want. i bet you're only freaking out about this because she has something you want
*~Sheri~* says:
if i had what i wanted it wouldnt be an issue to freak out about
*~Sheri~* says:
or maybe it would be if i would have known that you wanted to be with her all along
*~Sheri~* says:
then yeah i'd be freaking out about it still
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
exactly. and you dont have what you want. and i didnt want to be with her all along GET IT?!?
*~Sheri~* says:
no i dont...why her and not me?
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
because i had broken up with you. and her and i had deep talks for the past month or so,
*~Sheri~* says:
thats it?
*~Sheri~* says:
THATS IT?
*~Sheri~* says:
whatever kate...i hope you're fucking happy with your actions. you didnt wanna love me and i cant help but love you so you win and you get what you want and i hope you're happy.
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
i didnt want to love you because it was hurting me too much
*~Sheri~* says:
no matter how much i wanna try to talk you into being wi th me...i wont be able to and thats too bad
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
but you were quite oblivious
*~Sheri~* says:
and i really have no purpose in talking to you anymore....you have what you want and you got to see me hurt for you so good for you. i dont want to hurt anymore so good luck and have a great life without me.
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
alright. well in that case, its unfortunate that we're parting on such a bad note, but i'm glad i've known you and was with you, you'll always have a place in my heart. i hope you have a nice life, and do great at what you do
*~Sheri~* says:
glad to know a bunch of bullshit is coming out of your mouth
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
bullshit eh? well well well....
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
god you never knew me
*~Sheri~* says:
what the hell is that supposed to mean?
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
like what the fuck? can you not just face it? I LEFT YOU!! yes i did. why make me feel guilty? im sick of it.
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
pissing me off and putting the guilt on isnt going to change anything
*~Sheri~* says:
im not trying to make you feel guilty....if you feel guilty its your own damn fault b/c im just telling you how i feel.
*~Sheri~* says:
i'm allowed to tell my feelings
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
i dont feel guilty.
*~Sheri~* says:
so why are you throwing a fit?
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
you just said i said a lot of bullshit.
*~Sheri~* says:
yeah you left me...i get it....but thats too bad b/c just cuz someone understood what you were going through doesnt make them great.
*~Sheri~* says:
cuz you did
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
yes because you know how i feel. you never did.
*~Sheri~* says:
well you arent exactly a blunt person
*~Sheri~* says:
and you hardly share FEELINGS with me
*~Sheri~* says:
so that is your own fault that i didnt know how you felt
*~Sheri~* says:
i'd ask...but you never told
*~Sheri~* says:
thats not my fault
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
no you wouldnt ask. last time you asked was eons ago
*~Sheri~* says:
cuz i've barely talked to you
*~Sheri~* says:
my go
*~Sheri~* says:
god*
*~Sheri~* says:
i would too ask
*~Sheri~* says:
i asked a lot
*~Sheri~* says:
you blame everything on me so you can get over things
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
im over things.
*~Sheri~* says:
yeah maybe now
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
im fine with things. i just wish you'd be too
*~Sheri~* says:
im not gonna be fine with it
*~Sheri~* says:
im not gonna talk to you about it but im not gonna be fine with it
*~Sheri~* says:
but i bet thats good enough for you
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
yea yea assume assume.
*~Sheri~* says:
well i have to assume when you dont tell
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
okie dokie...im going for a smoke.
*~Sheri~* says:
well im going so by e
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
bye. have a nice life.
*~Sheri~* says:
good glad you care
*~Sheri~* says:
fuck
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
you dont care.
*~Sheri~* says:
i dont do i?
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
yea. see im assuming, annoying eh?
*~Sheri~* says:
no
*~Sheri~* says:
i would have assumed too
*~Sheri~* says:
when ppl dont say shit...yeah you assume
*~Sheri~* says:
it happens
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
well im going to smoke. bye if you're leaving
*~Sheri~* says:
bye
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
not going or just not going to talk to me?
*~Sheri~* says:
do you care?
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
thats irrelevant
*~Sheri~* says:
not to me...it matters to me if you care or not
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
well yea. but if you dont think talking to me is important, than theres nothing i can do
*~Sheri~* says:
well, do you have something you'd like to talk about kate?
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
i dont know, do you sheri?
*~Sheri~* says:
i have nothing to talk about but i would gladly discuss whatever is on your mind.
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
gladly is hardly the word that comes to mind LOL
*~Sheri~* says:
ok.....
*~Sheri~* says:
i didnt really see that as funny but ok
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
i did. but yes, im just wondering if you'll ever talk to me again.
*~Sheri~* says:
who knows....
*~Sheri~* says:
i guess if i have a reason to talk to you then fine but if not then most likely not
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
yea i wouldnt mind seeing what you're up to once and a while. school, work, love life, friends, etc
*~Sheri~* says:
well i know it already....school...same old until may then non-existant, work...same until i quit or get fired, love life...non-existant, and friends...same old
*~Sheri~* says:
there ya go....
*~Sheri~* says:
thats what it will be like for a very long time
*~Sheri~* says:
good to know huh?
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
why such a bleak outlook on things?
*~Sheri~* says:
cuz its how it is
*~Sheri~* says:
the most exciting thing to look for is that after i graduate hopefully i'll get the fuck out of this state or die sometime soon
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
again with the bleakness...where will you go? CA?
*~Sheri~* says:
fuck if i know
*~Sheri~* says:
off a cliff
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
okay seriously, why the negativity?
*~Sheri~* says:
well im not exactly in a positive mood....i dont have anything good to look forward to at the moment like you do. SORRY
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
why would i have that much impact on you?
*~Sheri~* says:
hmm lets see here....you were the only person who cared about me for a year and a half basically....i dont know....maybe b/c i love you with all i have and you are(were) basically my only reason to give a damn about life
*~Sheri~* says:
i dont know....
*~Sheri~* says:
ha thats supposed to be ( d )
*~Sheri~* says:
seriously kate...think about it...you were the only thing i had for the last 2 years....and now i have nothing
*~Sheri~* says:
i have myself
*~Sheri~* says:
go me
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
you have yourself. there you go
*~Sheri~* says:
yeah thats not a good thing
*~Sheri~* says:
emotionally i am not fit to be alone....being alone = death
*~Sheri~* says:
i cant handle it....i cant be with myself
*~Sheri~* says:
but you dont want me
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
yea if you had been alone with me (physically) you probably would have killed me by now
*~Sheri~* says:
no
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
most likely.
*~Sheri~* says:
no
*~Sheri~* says:
the only time i was really pissed off is if you did drugs or drank or i thought someone would take you away
*~Sheri~* says:
i was never annoyed with you...i was always annoyed with myself
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
why?
*~Sheri~* says:
and i took it out on you
*~Sheri~* says:
who cares why
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
rawr okie dokie then
*~Sheri~* says:
i guess i fucked up cuz you didnt even WANT to be with me you dont even LOVE me anymore so i royaly fucked up
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
i tried my damndest to not love you. i do that when i have a feeling things will go downhill.
*~Sheri~* says:
so you give up
*~Sheri~* says:
thats what you did
*~Sheri~* says:
you gave up
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
hmmm....i guess so
*~Sheri~* says:
u said you'd never give up on us....but that was alie
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
it seemed to me like you gave up
*~Sheri~* says:
you're wrong sometimes
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
i know that hun
*~Sheri~* says:
dont call me that
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - Sie hast mein herz says:
alright 'i know that sheri'
*~Sheri~* says:
anything else?
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - I am the one who chose my path, I am the one who couldn't last says:
fuck, make it sound like im ordering food, geez
*~Sheri~* says:
sorry
*~Sheri~* says:
but if you wanna talk, you come up with the topics.
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - I am the one who chose my path, I am the one who couldn't last says:
i see nothings changed
*~Sheri~* says:
thats not it, its just i told you that i had nothing to talk about
*~Sheri~* says:
and that i'd talk about whatever you wanted.
*~Sheri~* says:
i mean, i have one thing on my mind at the moment and im not in the mood to talk about it....so we should talk about something you wanna talk about
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - I am the one who chose my path, I am the one who couldn't last says:
uh huh you wouldnt talk about whatevers on your mind anyway
*~Sheri~* says:
sure i would...but we've been talking about it for the last 2 hours
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - I am the one who chose my path, I am the one who couldn't last says:
wow 2 hours? long time
*~Sheri~* says:
yeah, doesnt really seem like it at the time
*~Sheri~* says:
but yeah
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - I am the one who chose my path, I am the one who couldn't last says:
i know
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - I am the one who chose my path, I am the one who couldn't last says:
crazyness
*~Sheri~* says:
....
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - I am the one who chose my path, I am the one who couldn't last says:
yep k
*~Sheri~* says:
nothing to talk about?
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - I am the one who chose my path, I am the one who couldn't last says:
nothing relevant
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - I am the one who chose my path, I am the one who couldn't last says:
but do i ever have anything relevant to talk to you about?
*~Sheri~* says:
aparently not
*~Sheri~* says:
im going to bed
*~Sheri~* says:
g'night bye
INViSiBLE KiÐ / OhGr - I am the one who chose my path, I am the one who couldn't last says:
bye. talk to you....hmmmm.......whenever. which could be one day to one year
*~Sheri~* says:
we'll see i guess
2.29.2004
What a lovely weekend I had. Friday/Saturday was das bomb. That's because I spent it with Deanna, mua haaa. I'm talking to her now, so I'll write more later
